I joined a roller derby team in June.
And it has completely and gloriously changed my life.
I have been trying for two months to find the words to tell my story. To describe how I felt before and how I feel now. To tell you how I hate exercising, but not THIS exercising, about how one person coming to my store to look for derby shirts changed everything and how I grew up loving to skate and now I get to skate again....but after tonight's practice with my beloved Camel City Thrashers. I realized that's not what I really want to say, but this is.....
Being a part of roller derby has given me 2 important things:
A New Family
Playing a team sport has been a new experience for me. You have to learn things quickly, but at the same time my teammates have been so patient with their teachings and making sure I do things the right way. I've always been so hard on myself if I "mess up" in front of other people, especially if they are counting on me to do it right....but being in derby has taught me to suck it up, listen to what I'm told and do it the right way next time. Nobody thinks lesser of me for doing it wrong and FINALLY I don't dwell on it either....but you can be damn sure that the next time you DO get it right....someone's going to be there celebrating with you because she remembered your struggle before. Tonight I had several teammates, who I really respect as players, relay to me how much I have improved....and let me tell you, there is no bigger motivator and confidence builder than to hear that from them, because roller derby isn't about sugar coating anything.
But more than that, I have a new family and it's filled with "opposites" in just about every form it can come in....from pink haired to no haired women, lesbians and heterosexuals, moms and daughters, 20 year olds and 50+, short tiny women and tall big women and we have doctors, scientists, sales reps, waitresses, cashiers, store owners, students and everything in between....and we are all Camel City Thrashers. I may not want to be best friends with everyone on the team yet others have become adored friends that I can't even imagine life without anymore, but no matter what, they are my teammates and I "got their back" and I know without a doubt that they have mine too!
It's truly a new dynamic for me. I cherish it.
A New Confidence
If you have kept up with any of my previous blog posts, you know that I have struggled with my weight and body confidence for as long as I can honestly remember. I have spent a life of embarrassment, regret, shyness, missed opportunity and down right self hatred because of it. As I have shared before, almost all the memories of important events in my life include me being able to recall exactly how much I weighed at the time.
Have you ever seen what roller derby girls wear?
Think tights, booty shorts and tank tops.
I would rather splash battery acid in my face before going out in public wearing something like that, BEFORE roller derby was part of my life. But now it's just what I wear....and putting my bright colored booty shorts on over my pink tights each week for practice brings me a feeling of pride, joy and excitement because I'm getting ready to do something that I love to do and want so badly to be good at. So what if people stare at me when I'm wearing my derby clothes, I'm not ashamed because there is nothing to be ashamed of....I'm doing something good and healthy for myself.
Not only that, but being a plus size girl, actually has it's advantages in roller derby, which is so freakin' cool! Who wants to be shoulder blocked by a 200lb plus woman who is about to put all her strength and body weight into knocking you down? Any takers?
And here is the best part of all.... I don't know how much I weigh right now because it just doesn't have the importance it once did. Sure I still want to be my ideal weight, but I know that sweating my ass off at least three times a week trying to be the best skater and roller derby player I can be is going to give me great health results whether I lose the weight or not. I just know that when I put on my skates, something really really good is about to happen....it's been a great ride and I haven't even started bouting yet.
So yeah, this roller derby gig I got goin' is some good stuff. I think I'll keep at it for a spell.
This is helpful!
Posted by: Darrell | August 13, 2013 at 10:51 AM