I had every intention of writing this week's blog about my experiences as a victim of emotional abuse.
I wanted to tell the world my story because I know there are too many stories like mine, even worse than mine, that are playing out in real time right now.
I wanted to tell the people who I know and love (and the people that they know and love) about my story of being emotionally abused, because they might see their own story in mine....but they didn't even realize it had a name.
Yet more than four years after ending my marriage.
After four years of successful therapy.
After four years of freeing myself of the constant mental anguish, anxiety and physical pain of being stuck in a bottomless pit of depression.
After finally finding myself with a man whom I feel completely and totally cocooned in safety;
I find that I'm not ready to turn around and look at that pain again.
I can't turn around and look at the woman I used to be....whether the percieved fear of falling off the ledge again is real or imagined...is not something I'm willing to face right now.
However, I can say with absolute confidence, that Love is not supposed to hurt.
Love doesn't consist of:
- Having to "walk on egg shells" around that person
- Shaming someone into being a perfect housekeeper
- Humiliating that person for not accomplishing the impossible task of being a perfect housekeeper
- Alienating your loved one from family and friends
- Guilting your partner into having sex
- Holding someone else accountable for your happiness.
- Refusing to take responsibility or seek help for the behaviors that cause destruction in people's lives.
- Blaming others for your problems.
- Riding a roller coast of the highest highs and the lowest lows
Those things are not love, those things are emotional abuse....along with a lengthy list of other characteristics.
Unfortunately, the longer someone stays in an emotionally abusive relationship, the harder it is to escape the endless cycle of that abuse. Actually one of the hardest parts is simply identifying what is happening to you, because most of the time, the victims of emotional abuse feel like they are the ones with the problem. That they are the ones who aren't good enough.
But there is hope and there are ways to leave...
And on the other side of that pain and suffering is a whole world out there for you to live again. A world where you make the rules.
A world where you decide that people are either going to treat you with love, kindness and respect or they can go make someone else's life miserable.
A world where you have the freedom to discover, finally, exactly who you are and realizing that love doesn't hurt.
That love is actually a form of freedom.
Not a form of prison.
(If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, you can find helpful information here: http://stoprelationshipabuse.org/ )
Love and be loved.
*(The picture for this post was found on pinterest with a dead-end link, no copyright infringement intended)
Mauh! My sister friend! You are loved!!!!
Posted by: Melissa Anderson-Stowe | May 01, 2013 at 07:38 PM