I admit it.
As a young girl, I never once considered the possibility that I would be the mother of boys instead of girls.
Not one time. Ever.
Fate had other plans for me and here I sit before you as a mother of two wonderful sons.
And I wouldn't have it any other way.
When the boys were younger, my friends would comment that I was a good boy's mom. We stayed busy, tried lots of new adventures and I enjoyed having a second childhood.
Like other parents, though, I had a secret fear of the teenage years. And that fear was founded on the fact that I remember how I was as a teenager!
The drama. The ups. The downs. Drinking alcohol. Getting caught drinking alcohol. Going to parties and on and on and on. The temptations can be too much.
Enter Spring Break 2013 when I hosted my 17 year old and four of his friends on a NC mountain vacation.
While some people looked at me horrifyingly when I told them what my Easter Weekend was going to entail, I was really excited about it!
Why, you ask?
Well, what better way to peak into a group of young men's lives than to spend four days with them?
And that was my whole plan. Aside from driving them to wherever they needed to go and cooking for them when necessary, I was just going to stay on the sidelines and give them their space.
But here is what really happened and here is what I learned:
On the drive up, I was a little nervous because two of the guys were riding with me neither of them being my son....so I had no idea what to expect. Would there be awkward silence most of the way? Would they kind of huddle together and whisper, completely ignoring me? Or worse, would they look at me with silent disgust if I said something "weird"?
Uh, no, no and no.
They actually had me laughing so hard at times that I nearly peed my pants. We listened to great music, talked about their daily lives, about college and even about drugs and alcohol.
The overall tone for the trip had been set, we were going to have a blast.
And that truly was how it went.
The first couple of days I had my own companion, so the two of us spent some time doing our own thing....but we never got the vibe from the guys that they didn't want us "invading their space".
They were too busy being themselves to notice what we were doing. They played video games, played their guitars, sang, watched movies, got in snowball fights, played wiffle ball, fished and just enjoyed being friends. We all ate together during meals and honestly, most of that time was spent laughing. Oh! and they also cleaned up the kitchen after every meal...so wow, that was fantastic!
The activities they did weren't important, although they did schedule time to eat dinner and play with some of the children at Crossnore School, which is a residential school for children in need. This was actually something they asked to do...no prodding whatsoever by any adults...and it was a pretty amazing time, too.
What was important though, was this group of high school juniors.
These young men have this chemistry with each other that amazes me. Each one is completely different than the other: there is a peace lover, an athlete with a passion for guitar, an actor/musician, a writer, and an aspiring doctor who could also make it as a comedian. Each one unique, but each one with a respect for those differences.
It's kind of like The Breakfast Club. There, I said it.
One of the young men in the group is of Middle Eastern discent and the boys tirelessly point this out to him. The first time I heard it, on the ride in the car, my jaw dropped and I almost said something....but again, I went back to my original plan of not invading with their group dynamics. But as the weekend went on I realized that in some unexplained way, their teasing him just solidifies his membership in the group....but make no mistake about it....he gives it right back to them in other ways, especially by laughing along with them. And the truth is, they all egg each other on in different ways...be it pushing someones buttons while their favorite team is losing at basketball, piling pillows on a sleeping lad, or calling someone a ginger for his red hair.....it's almost as if you should worry if they DON'T tease you in some way.
It was lots of fun to watch them as they experienced uninterrupted fun time together, but the highlights of the trip for me came during the times where they actually let me into their world....when someone would crack an inappropriate joke and I would laugh right along with them or when they would wait and let me walk with them on our afternoon hike.
Those times when I stopped being a mom and morphed into a real person were pure joy. And none of those times compared to the last night we were in the mountains. When two of the guys and I were watching Family Feud (no judging, just go along with me here) and the question was "Name something that goes up." Ok, no biggie, I'm just thinking to myself what some of those things could be, just like any other person would be doing. But before I really had a chance to think about it, I blurt out "penis".
And there it was....the look I was dreading....I had said something weird and I just KNEW that I was going to get a lecture from my son about not saying stupid things. I could feel the blush creeping up my face and I was planning my exit strategy...but then, a funny thing happened, the very last answer to the question was revealed and it was "Mr. Happy"! Holy Cow! The sheer surprise and amazement they showed was hilarious as they ran into the adjoining room to tell the others how funny I was! And that was it...that was the moment I became a person. We spent the rest of that night making up words to ABC songs that were completely made in bad taste, but it was the most I have laughed in years. I literally exhausted myself in laughter until my face hurt, my belly was fatigued and I couldn't stop coughing from being out of breath.
When I think about that night and why things fell into place the way they did, it is because of two things:
- I gave them the freedom and safety to just be.
- They gave me the freedom to do the same.
As we were riding home the next day, I was thinking to myself that it would be fun to do it all again next year.
But then I realized there probably won't be a next year as they will all be seniors and no doubt will want to do something more exciting then spending a weekend with someone's parents. And then after that, they won't need to be supervised anymore, they are going to be all grown up.
I adore those boys....and although they definitely had a good time, they will probably never quite know how much joy I recieved from the trip, simply because they were a part of it.
Love and be loved.
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