Walking onto the short pier, feeling the sun-warmed wood on bare feet, my soul already begins to relax
As it remembers what always happens at the end of a pier.
My soul’s toes curl around the ends of the planks, its eyes longing, looking down at my reflection in the water
But really it wants to see what’s at the bottom, if I look hard enough I will see the rocks, the ledge and suddenly the dark blue where a cave feeds me this water that still sooths the heart after all these years and years and years.
The water that floods my body, my soul, my mind with love, passion, peace and joy
The joy and love overflow into tears
At the pier’s edge, where nothing exists beyond,
except the promise of peace and renewal
I dive.
There is no jumping,
there is no gradual stepping down a ladder,
there is no fancy back flip.
There is only diving.
When my feet spring up, leave the warm wood, and my lungs fill with air, everything slows down as I feel every drop of water caress my body as though we are long lost lovers.
I’m aware the water has reached my fingertips and is now reaching down my outstretched arms,
but the real reunion only begins as I feel the crystal clear spring envelope itself around my face and my neck. Hugging me as I surrender to its whispered promises.
My ears triumph at the dive’s ending splash, knowing that we are now one with the spirit cleansing coolness of this place.
Everything about me feels different alive new and perfect.
My body is not yet screaming for air, so I move my arms like a graceful mermaid, seeing the world through water-colored glasses.
Always marveling at how the cold water brings me completely alive and completely at peace again.
Every problem, every hurt, every sorrow goes away for however long my lungs can give me air for that first dive.
As I swim and roll like a dolphin in the loving beautiful selfless water
I feel a passion that can only be felt in the absence of air.
And so it goes with every walk on a pier
It may not be a dive into my beloved Indian Springs...
In the late 1800’s some “experts” in the field of infant care decided that cuddling and holding babies was a primitive practice and that a hands-off approach was much better for raising children. Subsequently, a new epidemic appeared where seemingly healthy infants stopped eating, failed to thrive and eventually died.
They were literally dying to be held, cuddled and loved.
Humans physically and emotionally need to have real human connections to survive.
Granted, people have different levels of the need to feel and touch others. Some people are very guarded with whom they come in contact and yet others have a high level of touchy-feely needs.
Me, me, me,me ,me! (Raises hand enthusiastically)
I’m the touchy-feely type. If we are friends, chances are you are going to get a hug from me each time we meet. Unless, of course, I have perceived you as being guarded, in which case you may get a fist-bump instead. But hey, it’s all good.
The firsttime I truly understood this about myself is when I became known as one of the “free-huggers” at Camp Indian Springs, where I spent my summers as a teenager working as a camp counselor. If someone wanted or needed a hug, they knew I was a sure thing. And I basked in it…I was very aware that having a physical connection with a friend would lead to having a deeper connection on all levels. And I’m all about those strong friendships.
So where does all this “need to touch” stuff leave us when it comes to romantic relationships? If you are being “intimate” with someone, why would it be important to have what people call “non-sexual touch”?
Well, I’m certainly no expert in the subject, but I do have experiences from which to pull. I’ve been in relationships where holding hands or putting your arms around each other was only a precursor to other things that were expected to come later. And those things are fine when the relationship is new…but I believe if you are only being touched with strings and expectations attached to that touching….you will eventually learn to hate being touched by your partner.
Right now I am in the healthiest romantic relationship of my life. We have a great deal of respect between the two of us and treat each other as such. But being happy is not a coincidence, I went into the relationship committing to be completely honest with him; and deciding that if I couldn’t do that, then there would be no relationship. Fortunately for me, I happened to find someone who is very open, safe and easy to talk to, so being honest with him has not been a challenge.
I do, however, spend a lot of time thinking about and wondering why things are so good between us. Not that I am trying to analyze us to exhaustion, but because I want to make sure we continue to practice the things that make us who we are as a couple. I don’t want to mess this up.
One of the items on the list of things we do right is integrating affectionate touching into the time we have together. We normally only see each other on weekends, so I spend much of our face time trying to make up for the weekdays when I don’t get to intertwine my fingers with his, put my arms around his neck or feel his leg propped up against mine as we watch “Mad Men”.
In fact, I feel most relaxed when we snuggle on the couch, my head on his chest, his arm around me and my hand lightly in his. I have also found that I love to run my hands over his face and was curious as to why. I don’t remember every wanting to do that to anyone else, so why now?
Well, it ends up, according to Joe Navarro, a former FBI agent, expert in non-verbal communication and a blogger for Psychology Today, that “The act of touching is a highly effective pacifier, which is why we do it to others (children crying) and to ourselves (combing or stroking hair, rubbing hands, touching our noses, massaging our foreheads and neck). It is also a highly effective way to say I care and I love.”
Essentially, touching your partner in a kind and affectionate manner, in a way that doesn’t have a hidden meaning of “hey, I’m doing this for you now so you’ll want to get busy later”, is an added way to communicate your love, while at the same time strengthening the emotional bond.
So even if you don’t consider yourself the touchy-feely type, I urge you to take the risk, open yourself up and “talk” to your partner in a different way. You may just find a new love language.
Love and be loved.
(A big thanks to my teammate Christina DeVincenzo for providing the beautiful photo)
I hate winter, except for the occassional snow, I really hate winter.
The one thing I look forward to after the Christmas season, is knowing that the days are starting to get longer. Which means we are getting closer to, rather than farther from, warmer weather.
Spring is a spiritual time for me as I gaze at the wonder of the beautiful flowers surrounding me. This year is an exceptionally good spring for me because one of my favorite flowering trees, Japanese Magnolia, is healthy and in full bloom.....
You see, in my corner of the world, we usually have a long enough warm period during late winter that the Japenese Magnolia gets tricked into blooming. They are such early bloomers that they almost always get zapped by the returning cold. It's continues to disappoint me year after year.
But this year, winter stayed....and stayed....and stayed. So now we are rewarded by having a sea of beautiful tulip-like flowers all over the county.
Blooming and thriving and making at least one person joyful!
Today I couldn't take it anymore, so on the way home from the grocery store, I pulled over to a side street, got out of my car, and walked into a Completely Random Stranger's yard and took pictures of her Japanese Magnolia tree.
It was the highlight of my day.
Thank you for sharing your tree with me, Completely Random Stranger.
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